I have often asked myself; how did my mother forgive people in her life that did not treat her well? This thought came up again for me when a friend was talking about being upset with someone because she was treated badly. I asked my aunt about this, and decided that my mother and her sister had the same philosophy. They always forgave people. In fact, I never saw them hold a grudge or even get upset (that I can recall). They did not take it personally. It was not about them.
My 89 year old aunt said to me that my mother felt that bad behavior was a result of people not getting all the love and care they needed growing up. So she could not blame them for acting badly. She felt they were not shown, by example, how to love and treat others. I have thought a lot about that. It has helped me a great deal lately in dealing with challenging people. I can read the news and see this too. I can apply this idea in many circumstances.
My mother and her sister grew up in a house bursting with love. They had a tender, loving family and I believe they got all that they needed. I do not mean materially. They were not spoiled by things. In fact, I am sure they struggled financially and were shaped by the depression. They just got enough loving care. They had a strong foundation to build their lives on. They had so much love and tenderness that it spilled over to others.
If you know that you were lacking loving care growing up, you can learn to recognize a need and find others outside your family to help fill in the gaps.
To learn more about this theory I recommend reading: Wired to Connect by Amy Banks
Search Institute has identified the following 40 developmental assets of healthy development that help young people grow up healthy, caring, and responsible.
