My first silent retreat

“Fertilize, fertilize, fertilize” was my friend’s advice earlier this week about a tree we purchased a year ago that looks like it may not make it. I don’t know why but I have been thinking a lot about that little tree. We got it in memory of our mother. We planted it in a spot where we can enjoy it and take care of it. It is an American Elm, similar to the Dutch Elms I grew up with. It is 18 months old now, and this spring many of the leaves were missing and it looked scrawny and struggling.

Last summer, when I thought the same thing, my friend said, “give it time”. The park director said it might make it if we give it a lot of special attention and do some pruning. All through last summer we nurtured it and I loved seeing my husband care for the tree – just as he was so good about caring for my mother.

So yesterday, during my first seven-hour silent retreat where a group of 10 of us alternated our time doing yoga and meditation, my thoughts turned again to the tree. I thought that even though we tried to do everything right by that little tree, it needed something more to thrive. I felt that way about myself too. I eat right, exercise and have a lot of blessings in my life, but I needed something more.

I needed to tend to my inner garden. I needed to get quiet and listen. It was like a seven-hour prayer. My clarity came by allowing me the time to recognize that all that I have is all that I need. My life has not always been easy and at times very difficult but I believe it is the struggle that makes me stronger, and life sweeter. I am very grateful for the simple things and know those are the best things. Really it is love; I have so much love in my life and I am able to give love as well.

So I am hoping that little tree has made it through the last two hardest winters on record and will have a good root system to thrive and bloom.

(Aspiring to be a) Joy Spreader