I have been reading a little book entitled, “Resilience”, by the Harvard Business Review. In it there is a question that has been sticking with me, or rather its answer. First, the question posed to Admiral Jim Stockdale, who was a prisoner of war, and tortured by the Vietcong for eight years was, ‘Who didn’t make it out of the camps?’ to which the answer was, ‘Oh, that’s easy. It was the optimists… I think they all died of broken hearts.” (waiting to be rescued).
However, reading further in Resilience, Victor Frankel, a World War II concentration camp survivor shares how he found his resilience in his book Man’s Search for Meaning, says, “We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed.” He did so by imagining his purpose to be teaching about the psychology of survival.
Studies show the common threads in resilient people include 3 characteristics. You can do alright with one or two, but to be truly resilient and thrive you need all three. 1. A steadfast acceptance of reality. 2. A deep belief that life is meaningful, and 3. And uncanny ability to improvise.
To put it another way, Maurice Vanderpol, former president of the Boston Psychoanalytic survivors of concentration camps offers a theory of what he calls a “plastic shield”. The shield is comprised of several factors, including a sense of humor, the ability to form attachments to others, and the possession of inner psychological space that protected survivors from the intrusion of abuse.
This is important to me, because today marks the fifth anniversary of my mother’s passing. My sister and I started Society of Joy Spreaders as a coping strategy 4 years ago to help us through a tough time together, find meaning, and help us lift others up by sharing her spirit of love and joy. In the five years that have passed, I have learned how thankful I am for the many gifts I have been given. One of those gifts, was the gift of a particularly a good mother.
